Saying goodbye to a wonderful man

On June 6th my dad was admitted to the hospital with a bad case of pneumonia that had hit him pretty hard just the day before, 2 weeks later he passed away on June 21st from complications from the pneumonia and AML (acute myelogenous leukemia.) These 2 weeks were such a blur and to tell you the truth I don't know where June even went this year. As anyone who has lost a love one rather suddenly it doesn't sink in for awhile that they are really gone and you just went through what you had. Even now writing this over 1 month later I can't believe how our lives have changed in such a short amount of time. When my dad got sick we didn't know he had leukemia but when he was admitted his labs were all abnormal which led them to do a bone marrow biopsy within 12 hours of admission and that Thursday we found out that he had AML which is a very aggressive form of leukemia. The treatment plan, if he was able to fight the pneumonia would have been for a bone marrow transplant to treat an underlying condition that makes the bone marrow function abnormally and which was what he had that was left untreated and unnoticed that then converted to leukemia. He fought hard and put up with so much in those 2 weeks that I wouldn't wish on my enemy and in the end his pneumonia won because his immune system just couldn't keep up and fight like it could have had he not had the leukemia. The nurses and doctors at both Utah Valley and LDS hospital where he passed away were great, they were so compassionate and caring and I'm so proud to be a nurse after seeing how caring they were to my father as he was dying.

The angering thing about this is that he didn't deserve this, not like anyone does but it just isn't fair to see such a kind and patient man being dealt these cards when there are sooo many bad people in the world that this could have happened to. I guess it's all part of the plan even though we don't understand it right now. I've learned how important it is to make sure those around you know how much they mean to you and how much you love them because you never know when they might be gone. I know my dad knew that he was loved and appreciated and I know that he is in heaven right know playing with the grandkids still waiting to be born and making sure they know all about guns, hunting and fishing. I do regret that McKade won't grow up with my dad in his life because my grandparents have played such an important part in my life and I'm sad he will miss that from my dad.

I know time will heal the pain but it will never completely go away. Our family has been shown so much support and compassion during this all and we are truly grateful for everyones thoughts and prayers during this time.

This was taken last year on fathers day when we came home from the hospital after having McKade, exactly 1 year prior to my fathers passing. All of us kids went to LDS hospital on the 20th (fathers day) and were able to spend time with dad and say our goodbyes when it became evident that he wasn't going to get better and he passed away early in the morning of the 21st. What a more fitting way to spend fathers day.

When we blessed McKade me and Paul had a hard time deciding who to ask to do the honors. Paul wanted to have his brother or brother in law to do it but I was adament that my dad give the blessing, in the end my father was able to bless McKade and I'm so grateful to have this memory and he did such a great job.

If you could say one thing about my dad it is that he loves his family, especially his grandkids. He was always like a big teddy bear around them and would do absolutely anything for any of us. He will be missed so much.

We burried dad in Malad, ID where he was born, it's so pretty there and he's burried by his parents. My mother felt like this was fitting and that he would have wanted to be there instead of in Orem. He also had said a couple times that he wanted to just be burried in a "pine box", I don't think the fancy, beautiful pine box my mother chose was exactly what he had in mind but it was a "pine box" even if a more expensive one than he had visioned. This picture is at the graveside and the man there is his best friend Jim, he and my dad's brother were able to be at the hospital that last day and they were able to give my dad a wonderful blessing, I'm so glad they were able to be there. I know Jim will miss my dad, they had been friends since college.

Kirk played a beautiful song on his guitar that he wrote at the graveside and he did a great job. I know my dad appreciated this.

If you knew my dad you would understand this because of his sense of humor. Another thing he had told us was that when he died that we had to put a bumper sticker that said "I'd rather be breathing" on his coffin. We had this made at the mall before his funeral and when we told the person at the store what it was for he looked at us and said "I don't want to laugh but that is the funniest thing I have heard". It was funny and fitting and I know dad was laughing right along with everyone at the graveside.

This has been hard to blog about but also good, I think I have procrastinated doing this but feel better getting some thoughts down and remembering good times we have all had with our father. He was a wonderful man and we all miss him so much but I am grateful and thankful for the times we did have with him and can't wait to see him again someday.